The Importance of Being Seen: A Lesson in Interpersonal State Management
I was on a grocery store mission, speed walking past various aisles and talking on the phone. I was clearly “busy”. When I got up to the cash register, the cashier said hello. I gave a quick head nod and sent a small smile in her direction.
It was the end of the night, and you could tell she was tired. Her energy was gloomy and her movements were sluggish. I told the other line I’d call them back in a bit. I hung up and piped up, “Hello, how are you?”.
She must not have heard me because she stopped what she was doing, made eye contact, and asked me to repeat myself. Keeping eye contact and asking with interest, I repeated, “Hello! How are you doing?”
When she saw that I genuinely wanted to know how she was, she responded, “I’m tired. It’s been a long day.”
“I can see that.” I answered empathetically, “You seemed a bit down.”
And then something interesting happened… She no longer moved as if in mud. Her check-out motions sped up, her eyebrows rose, and her tone went a bit higher.
Suddenly, she was saying hello to the people in line behind me, telling me about how good my pie was going to be, and advising me to add sour cream to my cornbread mix. She assured me it would be so much tastier! She was smiling and had a pep in her step.
The change was undeniable.
Once we finished, I said, “Laura, I hope you have a wonderful night!”
She smiled, “You too sweetie!”
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If you ever want to do something kind or impactful, generous or humbling, put everything down and really see people as they are, meet them where they are at, and ask them how they are doing.
When we know we have been truly seen by another human being, it’s healing to the point of being transformative. It can automatically change their mental and emotional state.
Thank you, Laura, for this priceless reminder. 🌷
Oh! And the sour cream really did the trick! 😀
