Adulting in 2020 Pt. 3
2020.21 Clean Up
Why this matters: I have always thought someone’s external environment is a reflection of what’s going on inside. If their wardrobe, body, car, room, or house are a disorganized mess, so too is their life. If everything is in order, clean, and beautiful, so is their mind, heart, and soul. It just doesn’t work to have a beautiful soul and a disastrous room or disgusting car.
If you value yourself, you usually value your things and your space. If you appreciate yourself and the beauty in you, you will appreciate the beauty in the things you own and take care of them as you take care of yourself.
So if you are seeking a clean, organized, successful, beautiful life — start with the tangibles.
What you can do:
- Clean your room. Clean your house. Clean your car. I like to divide the room into levels or sections. I start from the top and clean down to the bottom and then from one side to the other. I dust, scrub, polish, vacuum, sweep, and mop. That’s top to bottom — again by being strategic here I’m not going to sweep and then dust. Otherwise all of the dust is still in the room, just now on the floor. So I then start from one corner and organize everything on my way to the other corner. If I am rearranging things and doing a deep clean I will reverse the order and do side to side and then top to bottom so everything is in it’s new place first and then I can dust and clean as rearranging can reveal some hidden messes that you will need to clean up after moving the items
- Focus on the details. Clean your clothes. Take the dry cleaning out, iron your shirts, brush your shoes. Make this a weekly thing
- Organize your files, sort your mail, gather project materials together and create a plan to get that project done
- Take things you never use to Goodwill and make a note so you don’t buy those things again. How did you get it? Who gave it to you? Why don’t you use it? Why does it no longer fit? And then take this information and use it to make fierce judgements about what you do and do not let back into your space
- I like to be a minimalist and only own things I use . It’s about shopping with intentionality — that goes for nice things too. Often we buy something nice and then put it away because we are afraid of ruining it. Use it. There will always be nice things. If you are okay with putting something nice away then are you doing that to the best of you too? Saving your power and amazing-ness for a rainy day? Bring it out and show everyone your beauty — do the same with your belongings. Don’t buy things to keep in the attic. Don’t play your life small
- Do a tech clean. Delete apps and accounts, clean out your inboxes, close tabs, organize online docs and photos, update software and passwords, etc. For some people their online resources are a black hole especially when it comes to email. I’ve seen friends with inboxes that have thousands of unread emails in them. How do you ever filter through all that junk and find the ones that have value? No idea. I have seven email accounts and right now I have three emails in my collective seven inboxes. All three of those are read and being saved for an event that is occurring in the next few days. My work inbox is completely cleared. You can do this too, but it takes discipline, diligence, and discretion. I proactively unsubscribe from email chains I am not interested in and I have folders set up to store the emails I do want to keep — it’s always very easy to find something I’ve saved. There are some resources below for keeping your tech organized
- Keep clean skin, teeth, and organs. Make a good habit of keeping good hygiene, eating well, drinking water, and moving your body to clean out the crud
- Sort through your contacts and remove relationships that are no longer valid or healthy for you. Let go of social baggage and give yourself more energy to focus on those that really matter to you. You can do so by using this handy app 📱 — one of my favorite relationship management tools
Resources:
2020.22 Move Your Body
Why this matters: I don’t think I need to explain this one too much, just get at it.
It doesn’t matter how you do it, just do. 🏋🏼♀️⛹🏾♂️🏌🏻♀️🏄🏿♂️
Your body may be cleaner, your digestion may be smoother, you life may be longer, and your happiness may increase.
For me, I know if I want to have my best body and feel good, I need to be in an environment where working out and eating a lot is easy. So I proactively place myself in those environments by either working for companies that provide access to good food and gyms or by living in an area where everything I need is all in one spot. That might just mean meal prepping and working out in my living room — but I make it happen none-the-less.
What you can do:
- Go do what you enjoy — swimming, dancing, barre, MMA, golf, walking….
- If you don’t know what you like then sign up for a class. If you have no where to do what you love, find other people who love it too and see if you can pull together funds to create a place for fitness or apply for a community scholarship
- Buy good shoes and a pair of weights and move in your room. If you want more guidance, get a workout video or look up some moves in a magazine or online
- It is really easy to just do something. No more excuses honey, you’re worth it. Set a 10 minute timer each day and move — push ups, sit ups, squats — all of it would help. By even doing this small amount, you will get stronger in some way. And that’s what we are going for here. Getting stronger and more committed to taking care of ourselves. Valuing our value
- Get a personal trainer
- Find a friend to do something with and make a point of planning active social outings. This could be a great way to get to know someone better. Do you always check in with employees over coffee, making small talk? Invite them to play tennis or go for a walk
Resources:
2020.23 Build A Routine
Why this matters: I struggle with this one. Life is always changing, new priorities come up, some things don’t require a lot of time and then they do, not to mention that the unexpected occurs.
But I find that when I do have more structure I thrive and spend less time wondering what I need to do next. I’m less chicken without a head and more hunter with a target. I am focused and putting all my energy into what is happening right now.
Part of this is being willing to do the hard things. Instead of hitting snooze because that sounds nicer than getting up, going out into the cold and working out, do what you asked yourself to do when you made your schedule.
Stick to your goals even when it’s hard. And then when you get to the end of your day and find that you have extra time because you focused and got everything done, you can treat yourself and do something fun or get to bed early for some extra sleep.
As you are setting your new goals for 2020, get serious. If you know you will not get up, don’t plan on it. If there is something within that keeps you from accomplishing that goal then instead plan time for working on breaking down that barrier.
Maybe you don’t think you are worthy of a nice bod. So rather than saying you’re going to get up and work out for a hour when you know you won’t because you have habits of sabotage and will hit snooze instead, then plan on an extra two minutes for looking yourself in the mirror and telling yourself how worth you are of a body that is capable and healthy — a reflection of your inner worth.
Once your confidence starts to grow and you believe more and more in the truth — that you are valuable — then change your goals and move them closer to that hour long workout.
What you can do:
- Make a schedule and post it everywhere
- Create a system that is easy to implement and helps you check off all aspects of your routine
- Clean up and declutter so junk and random tasks do not provide distractions from your goal
- Organize things so they are easy to get to and use. For example, if there are products you use every morning, place them out on your counter or in one container. Put them in order of what comes next so you don’t have to think about the process. Then wake up and move through the motions
- Set alarms to signal the next step in your day or include those details on reminders in your calendar until the steps become second nature
- Do not let anyone derail you. This is part of having good boundaries. If you have planned to do a, b, and c when you get home then tell your family that this is what is going to happen and come up with a plan for what they are going to do in the mean time.
- Problem solve. Never have time to meditate? Take the train instead of driving so you can close your eyes and have a regular time to internally focus every day
Resources:
2020.24 Manage Your Time ⏰
Why this matters: It’s a bit of a duh, but time is a very limited resource and yet over the course of your life, there is a lot of it. How you use it can be the difference between a lasting impact and a life not worth living.
What are you going to do with your life of an average of 25,915 days?
If you are 15, you may have 20,440 days left.
65? Only 2,190 remaining.
Ugh! 😱😧There’s no time to waste.
What you can do:
- Find your purpose
- Set goals
- Spend time with only those you care about
- Simplify your life so your time isn’t wasted taking care of materials things that mean nothing to you
- Set a schedule that has what matters to you baked into your everyday routine
- Turn off the TV, games, social media, etc
- Move closer to family and work
- Get out of toxic situations and relationships — plenty of good fish in the sea. You’ll be fine. You’re also a pretty good catch. So invest in time with yourself.
- Be proactive about what you fill your life with and what you say yes to
Resources:
2020.25 You Matter, Take Care
Why this matters: Because you matter.
You are valuable, you are worthy, you are good enough and you are loved. End of story🌷
Start showing yourself this is true by taking care of you.
What you can do:
- Get regular massages, acupuncture, reiki, energy work, chiropractor, etc
- Heal old wounds through restorative conversations and counseling
- Baked self care into your routine by meditating, working out, eating well, flossing, washing your face, doing a body scrub, cleaning your nails, and so on regularly
- Breathe
- Travel
- Learn and read about new things
- Keep the discipline necessary to accomplish your goals
- Cleanse and clean out your social, emotional, and physical space
- Have a purpose, job, and life you enjoy. Stop making justifications for anything less. Expect more from your life & hold higher standards
- Say No
Resources:
Note: I am of the firm belief that there are way too many resources in this world for you to not have what you need to take care of yourself. Can’t find friends? Can’t loose the weight? Don’t have time? Too stressed? These are all excuses, cover ups for other limiting beliefs. Start doing the work and turn within to understand why you don’t think you deserve a life that takes care of you, one that’s worth living.
2020.26 Prioritize Your Tasks
Why this matters: Not everything in your life needs to be done right now. And even if it did, there’s no way you could do it all.
As much as we may all want to be a Super Hero and do everything all at once (I’ve been there), it’s not going to happen. So what are you going to get done?
This is where prioritizing comes into play.
What you can do:
- Look at your todos, which should be the results of you setting goals, breaking those goals down into obtainable steps, and then breaking those steps down into todos that you can complete in the span of a day or less, and then rate them.
- You can rate them from hardest to easiest, more urgent to least, or as a numbered list. However you do it, do it and follow the system even if the thing you dislike doing most becomes the number one to get done — do it.
- Use colors or sticky notes to denote the ratings
Resources:
2020.27 Be A Good Friend
Why this matters: As social creatures, we like to belong. We want to feel like we are a part of something and that people like us. We also need social interaction for the exchange of ideas, feedback, and emotional training.
To have good friends, you need to be a good friend.
You also need to choose good friends.
Good friends should be people who encourage you to grow, give feedback, have similar values, but expand your thinking and expose you to new ideas. They support you, look out for you, and are willing to invest time in the relationship and your goals.
Many times I have been in relationships that feel one sided. I seem to be the person who is putting in all of the work. I understand people being busy and not responding or hanging out right away, but if the relationship means something to them, they should be proactively putting in effort and communicating frequently.
If you are the only thing that’s keeping the relationship alive, move on. If they want to have a relationship, they are capable of reaching out. No need to be afraid that they might be thinking the same thing and are just sitting around waiting for you to reach out to them — that’s been a fear of mine in the past.
Find people who are easy to talk to and who want to talk to you.
Now, you also have to be a good friend. When someone reaches out, get back to them. Give them your time of day. Make an effort to be a good friend.
Feeling like you don’t have many good friends? Maybe you need to take time from seeking friends and be a good friend to yourself. Work on being a better person first. Then go out, talk to people, ask them questions, smile and be friendly. You never know who will be your next friend or what they look like so be nice to all people.
What you can do:
- Go through your contacts and clear out old relationships. If they do end up contacting you, you can always recreate their contact and reestablish the relationship. No need to have feelings of lose, but if you do feel that way, nurture and give space for those feelings too — and then delete the contact
- If you have contacts for business purposes, connect with them on a other platform such as LinkedIn so they can still get ahold of you, but you don’t have to give continual energy towards keeping track of them. In my opinion, your phone contacts should only be people you want to actively contact. Store all your other contacts elsewhere otherwise they generate noise and distract from the relationships that you’ve decided matter
- Complete the contacts you do keep. Get their birthday and address. Set up reminders and buy nice stationary. Then make it a point to celebrate their anniversaries, etc and send them something special 🎂. You may be thinking that’s a lot of work, but again, once you pare down your contacts to include only those who invest in you as much as you do in them, the list won’t be of an exhausting length. Show those who are good friends that you are thinking of them and value their friendship
- Keep track of details about your contacts such as their favorite colors, music, hobbies, family members, and so on. The notes feature in this app is a great way to do that
- Advocate for yourself. If there is someone you really enjoy and want to have a deeper relationship with, but they aren’t putting in as much effort as you would like, share with them what you are looking for. Ask them if they would like to provide that. If so, thank them and hold them accountable for following through. If not, move on or decide you are okay with the depth of the relationship as it is now 👌🏽
Resources:
2020.28 Keep Track
Why this matters: If you don’t know it’s broke, you can’t fix it.
It take a lot of planning and dedication to make goals and start the new year right. You can easily waste all that time by not following through and failing to see how your progress is going.
By collecting data points and tracking things that matter to you, you can gain a better picture of your success or lack thereof. Are you missing the mark or exceeding your goals? If you don’t keep track, how will you know?
What you can do:
- Track your money
- Track your food, water, exercise, sleep
- Track the small steps, your progress, and any feedback you receive
- There are many apps you can use, many of which are listed through this series or make your own tracker via a bullet journal or the like. You can also find paper trackers in store or online or make your own in a document and print it out each week. Point being, how you want to collect the data doesn’t matter. Find a way that is easy for you and do it. When you see that you are falling behind proactively take the steps to catch up and celebrate when you are ahead.
Resources:
2020.29 Mentor Someone 👨🏼🦰👧🏽👩🏼👨🏽🦲
Why this matters: I grew up having to teach myself many things, but I also was exposed to many different aspects of the world and the way it operates through media, travel, books, education, podcasts, and intellectual conversations.
Many people have a hard time accessing that kind of exposure to new ideas and information. Yet the more exposure one has, this more ideas you can generate, the more problems you can solve, the more people you get along with, and the more mature you become over time.
I strive to empower as many people as possible in my life and bring people with me as I move towards success. One of the ways I seek to do this is through mentorship.
If you have been blessed with the resources for a wonderful life, teach someone else how to obtain them themselves. Show them how to remove limiting beliefs and get rid of unhealthy mindsets. Demonstrate leadership and model successful behavior for others who lack these kinds of role models in their own life.
Empower others and find someone to mentor.
What you can do:
- Reach out to your college program or work as see if there is a way for you to give back through mentorship
- Start your own program
- Volunteer with a community organization such as this one
- Go to events or meet ups and find people looking for advice and guidance
- Teach a class or workshop and offer yourself as a mentor to attendees
- Spend time with children you know and ask them questions that encourage them to reflect upon their life and where they are headed
Resources:
2020.30 Find A Mentor 👩🏻👨🏿🦱👩🏽🦱👨🏼🦳
Why this matters: A lot of my success is due to someone giving me guidance and helping me out. Mentors are people who provide wisdom and support to other people. They usually have more experience than their mentee and help them learn from and avoid mistakes they made.
My mentors are wonderful people who I can rely on and who have turned into friends over time.
Find yourself a mentor who can help you learn the ins and outs of your industry, start a new business, or get through life with grace. Try to match your goals with aspects of their background. Make sure they are open to mentoring and have extra time in their schedule to respond to your questions and help you in moments of need such as reviewing applications, resumes, or writing letters of recommendation.
What you can do:
- Seek out mentorship programs through your university, work, or community groups
- Go to classes or workshops and then talk to the instructors and see if they are open to mentoring you
- Attend meet ups and find someone else with more experience who is willing to guide you
- Ask online or in alumni groups to see if anyone wants a mentee
- I know many people want to be available to and needed by others, but get frustrated by mentees who don’t respect their time or don’t respond when the mentor reaches out. Not cool dude. Be a good mentee by responding to mentors, asking deep questions, seeking their wisdom, and communicating effectively
Resources:
